It's Christmas time. There's no need to be afraid.....
*Unless you are the little boy who was in front of me with his mum in the toilet queue, when we went to the Panto at the Derngate on Saturday. He walked tentatively into the toilet as the queue moved forward, then grabbed his mother's hand and asked her "why is Darth Vader in there?" I wondered why too - this was definitely the ladies' toilet after all. I looked but I couldn't see him, or anything that even closely resembled him. It was a real puzzle. And then his mother reassured him "It's not Darth Vader Tom, it's just the hand drier". Curiouser and curiouser! I looked at the hand driers but they were all white, and not even the right sort of shape. And then the penny dropped, he couldn't see Darth Vader at all - but he thought he could hear him.
*Or the lady sitting on a bench by the escalators in the Grosvenor Centre. On Friday, I went shopping and bought the whole of Primark - or Primarni to give it its proper title. On my way there, I passed the lady on the bench, and did a double take because I recognised her from our Slimming World group. She was holding a walnut whip in her right hand, and looked very sheepish. It made me laugh so much, the perfect storm.
*Or me, trying to organise a family quiz to take place on Christmas Day. I sent a text out to Mr C, 6 kids and 1 girlfriend to explain the rules for the quiz. I asked them to choose a category from the following list - sport, general knowledge, history, geography, entertainment, music, the natural world and fashion, hoping that there would be something there to interest everyone. I requested that they text me to say which category they wanted, and then to write 15 questions for their fellow quizzers to answer. If more than one wanted the same category, the first to text me would secure the category. T was first to reply. Just 'NO'. L was next with 'Netflix'. A little ahead of herself, but she reluctantly agreed to entertainment. In the initial text I had stated that I would be quizmaster (bigging up my part) and my word would be final. And I would not include any questions which were too obscure. L started going a little bit mental at this point, accusing me of control freakery. Does she not know that rules bring security and stability? I took a quick look at her questions, most of which revolved around Ru Paul's drag race winners, and told her that I was going to have to get strict. The upshot was that she is also out of the competition. And she lost her mobile phone for a day, for being rude. It's going so well. And then, I received a smashing text from my eldest step daughter F, which just said fashion x. That's a bit more like it. I called H to ask him if he and his girlfriend had received the texts, because they hadn't responded. He thought it didn't apply to them, that it was going to take place on a day when they wouldn't be here (skim reading texts is not one of his strengths), but that they would talk about it and get back to me. So there we have it, my plan for the perfect Christmas Day entertainment. Nailed it! Last year I tried to do a giant clingfilm snowball, with prizes cling filmed inside it, and each player taking turns to throw 2 sixes before they could start trying to unwrap it. The prizes were pretty good - lottery tickets, sweets and a twenty pound note in the centre. By the time we got to the middle, there were only 2 players remaining, all other 4 having stormed off, 2 of them having been restrained and separated by the referee (me) during the course of the game. And the year before, we had the fame game (a board game sent as a gift for our family from my brother who lives in the Isle of Man, and doesn't see us all often enough to appreciate what little savages we (they) all are.) It started so well, but ended up with only 2 players once again, not ideal for a team game. So the quiz was my last hope, to encourage all of them to participate, to have a laugh and some fun. In reserve, I am holding Pie Face, the big hit game from last year, which I bought in a charity shop in Southwold during the Summer. Not sure if I dare. Or if I do, I will either have to make them play it in the garden, or I could go in the garden and watch them through the window. But a bit worried about squirty cream on the rug.....
I tried to think of my top 3 games of choice to play on Christmas Day, if I could guarantee playing without violence or upset. They would be Trivial Pursuit, Cards Against Humanity and Pictionary.
And then I decided that I quite like Christmas top 3s, so I have done some more for you. Here goes....
Top three
Christmas songs - Fairytale of New York, Christmas (baby please come home), and Must be Santa.patés- peppered mackerel, smoked salmon, BrixworthChristmas chocolates - Rafaello, dark Terry's chocolate orange, dark chocolate brazilsChristmas puddings - trifle, Eton mess, creme brûléeChristmas hymns- ding dong, once in royal, away in a manger (but I'm still an atheist)Starters- paté, smoked salmon and avocado, my Mum's mushroom soupBreakfasts - Eggs Benedict, pork pie and Branston pickle, bacon bapsFilms (adults)- the Holiday, Love actually, Bridget JonesFilms (kids) Arthur Christmas, Elf, Santa Claus the movieChristmas drinks - Snowball, Baileys, Bucks fizzPresents - books, jewellery, theatre ticketsChristmas card subjects - robins, snow, SantaChristmas Day pursuits - cooking, opening presents, eatingFavourite Christmas smells - xmas tree, mince pies cooking, Christmas cookie candles
I would love to read some of your Christmas top threes - post them as comments if you can.
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