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Joanna Considine 
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It's the end of the world as we know it.

Writing news - I’ve had some great feedback from my critics, and am working on a few edits based on their observations. They have all been very gentle with me, which has really helped as I am about as good at receiving criticism as I am at sharing. But I did ask for honesty, as just saying it’s a lovely book, would have been a big waste of their time, and of little use to me. I have this worry that my writing is similar to those tragic auditions they show at the beginning of X Factor where Simon Cowell asks ‘did nobody ever tell you that you’re rubbish’. I think most writers have the same fear, but just because I’m not alone, doesn’t mean that I'm wrong. I have written a couple of alternative endings, which I have really enjoyed doing, and am a lot closer now to being ready to approach agents – although the dreaded synopsis is still very much a work in progress.

Lockdown continues and I think I have already said, that I am in the fortunate position of being with my husband and my kids at home, and life for me has not changed that much. I am spending longer in the kitchen than I usually would, trying to cook meals that will fill them up, as they are always starving. I am strictly controlling food, because I'm trying not to waste anything, and have been carefully planning what we are going to eat and when, to make sure that we don't run out of anything in between weekly shopping trips. I am trying to preserve flour, as it is hard to get hold of, although my sister did manage to get me a couple of bags of self raising last week. I am finding that as supply increases, so do our waistlines, and I need to stop making cakes, particularly those that nobody else likes, such as lemon drizzle and Nigel Slater’s marmalade cake, because somebody's got to eat them. On Sunday, I thought I would make a dessert to go with the roast dinner, and searched through the larder to see what I could use. I had a loaf of bread that needed using up, and a box of eggs , so I made a queen of puddings, which was one of my dad’s favourites. I was always desperate to make it as a child as there was a recipe for it in my cookery book (see the picture above), and I thought it looked beautiful. I was never allowed to, and now I can appreciate why – it was a major faff, having to cook the base in a bain marie in the oven, wait for it to cool down and then cover with jam and pipe meringue on the top, before returning to the oven. I whipped the family up into a frenzy of anticipation before serving it. And the underwhelming response to this regally named pud? It was ‘meh’. A bit too sweet, too sloppy and ‘is this war food?’. The last comment might also have been influenced by it being served with evaporated milk. I won’t be making it again. I am serving lots of the food on which I was raised. Dumplings and Yorkshire puddings, pancakes and jacket potatoes. And still they’re not full.

Although I have managed to retain control of the kitchen larder and fridges, anarchy rules everywhere else. These days, the dogs, who are strictly forbidden from going upstairs, immediately disappear once they have been freed from their bed in the laundry room each morning. And it is harder to get them out of bed (Paddy has taken to nuzzling his way in with H, and Polly prefers to stretch out with T) than it is the kids themselves. And that is saying something. L doesn't like them going into her room, but sadly cannot keep them out, as they just gleefully hurdle through the massive hole she kicked in her door last year when she was in a mood. At the time, she was expecting it to be replaced but I quite like that I can creep up the stairs and poke my head through the hole to catch her out. Paddy the dog is also happy about it, waiting until her bin is full, before emptying the contents all over her floor, in search of grub. While she might be regretting her actions, I am considering extending door holes to the rest of the house.

I spoke to a neighbour at the weekend and she asked whether we would be celebrating 75th anniversary of VE Day on Friday. I had read something about it but thought we had missed it. We have agreed we will join in with the celebrations, with an afternoon tea party in the garden. Lots of sandwiches and cakes, any excuse! As I lay awake at 3am the following morning (anyone else struggling with sleeping?), I decided I would make some red white and blue bunting to hang up in the garden, and have started crocheting big triangles in red, teale and cream, which is the closest I can get. I showed them to T. She wasn’t keen on the red, and suggested I just do blue and cream, but I said I thought the red was really quite essential. They take ages to make, but hopefully they will look ok when I've tied up all the loose ends. I wish I had just cut out some coloured paper triangles and threaded string through the corners. I always go the long way round!

Another prototype I designed in my head during the early hours was the facemask with a little pouch for a filter. Incorporating folds and pintucks (I need to stop watching The Sewing Bee), and shaped to fit under the bushiest of chins (I am thinking Mr C who currently has an air of Cap’n Birdseye, just in case you are wondering whose chin…). It took me an age to make it and it's sooooo hot to wear, even though it is made from an old pair of cotton pyjamas. I was planning to make enough for all the family, because I am anticipating that masks will be in short supply in the coming weeks.

But it is likely that it will take me as long to make them as it will to find a vaccine, so I need to find an alternative. I thought I had found the ultimate short cut when I spotted a hack on Facebook, made from socks. At last, a use for the millions of lone socks we have accumulated and kept 'just in case'. Mr C and Polly were unwilling guinea pigs, and largely unimpressed. So it's back to the drawing board. H's girlfriend has sent me a You Tube link and I'm hoping for third time lucky. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6UcIDaxfqk&fbclid=IwAR1_Yvc7th8w7ph8MXYYLBuN2JM2kzlNAwspq1nBUsl2IspCP1VzhzJRbmw&app=desktop It looks fairly straight forward, so this is my project for next week.

I did my weekly shop again on Thursday and each week I seem to be spending more and more. Not sure if they are putting the prices up or if I am just buying the wrong stuff. We aren’t throwing much away, and the only extras I am buying really are the biscuits. I might have to abandon Morrisons and go back to Aldi before we run out of money. I noticed a big difference this time, with other shoppers being far less careful with social distancing. It seems that many people are already relaxing; I do wish that they wouldn’t do it around me. I’m not ready for that yet.

Grey Watch - I am using the lockdown as an opportunity to experiment with letting my silver sparkles grow. L has informed me that Michelle Visage from Drag Race is doing the same, although hers look much more elegant than mine. I have also stopped using shampoo, and am just rinsing my hair well with water every few days. I have read that shampoo and conditioner are a relatively modern phenomenon dreamed up by the cosmetics companies who convinced most of the population that what they needed was to use shampoo and conditioner to improve the condition of their hair, whereas what they were actually doing was to remove the naturally produced oils and replace them with synthetic oils. I am about a week in, and doing OK, although I think it’s one of those things that is easier to cope with if you aren’t going out at all, or have nice hats. It looks a mess, and under normal circumstances I would have reached for dye and shampoo days ago, but I want to just try and see what happens. Mr C is enjoying his big bushy beard moustache combo a bit too much, and I have also observed, seems to be cultivating a Brian Blessed type laugh. He might always have had that, perhaps I just never noticed it before.

Entertainment - Dog walking continues, and card playing - mainly Rummy. A virtual scooter rally next weekend might see us rolling back the carpet and inserting the disco light bulb once more. We have been getting into Netflix and this week started watching The Sinner, which is intriguing, although took us by surprise. Also Normal People, on IPlayer, which (4 episodes in) is really gorgeous. And Killing Eve. I love a psychopath! Audiobooks - my latest which I have been listening to whilst running is 'Daisy Jones and the Six.' The reviews are really good, so I am waiting to enjoy it, but I think I would have lost interest and given up by now, if I was reading it.

A new addition to my morning run was T, my 19 year old daughter; her first using the Couch to 5k app. I'm so proud of her, I think that first step is the hardest.

The quizzing is going well. The Singapore quiz continues and is great fun, although still a bit stressful, trying to juggle different whatsapp chat groups, and making sure that I don’t once again write the answers in the one that all the other teams can see.

We also did ‘Jay’s Virtual Pub Quiz’, using Zoom with Mr C’s younger daughter Li, her boyfriend, and some members of his family. We played against each other, and that was also really enjoyable. Highly recommended for a bit of Thursday night entertainment. No faffing around and you can play on your own or against friends or family. And a good mix of questions. I love a good quiz, and it’s great that so many are available at the moment. Any suggestions for others I may have missed will be greatly appreciated.

And finally, I (we) have some very big exciting news to share. We are going to be grandparents, in the Autumn. As well as being busy quizzing, Li has also been cooking up a baby. We are so excited, and can’t wait. I have been very jealous of my sister V who has four young grandchildren, which she has very kindly shared with me. I will still love them as much as I always have done, but now I get to be a proper grandmother in my own right. Nothing seems normal at the moment, all a bit surreal and weird, but I am delighted that we have a new baby to welcome into the family. A bit of good news for a change.


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