L has gone to spend the rest of her holiday with her Dad. She will come back on Sunday evening, no doubt tired and in a foul mood, and suddenly remembering all the homework she has forgotten and depositing mouldy swimming kit and screwed up school uniform in the laundry, expecting it to be ready for Monday morning. And she will make sure that her tirade coincides with Strictly Come Dancing The Results, because she understands that she has only a really small window for her outburst, to ensure maximum impact. I don't really watch that much TV, and if she misses this window, the next one isn't until Tuesday night, when the GBBO is on. Unless somebody calls me, and creates another window for her.
When my kids were little, at first I didn't notice that they would use the time when I was making a really important phone call to eat and empty the contents of the baking cupboard onto the floor, or get the lid off the big pot of sudocrem and smear it all over themselves and their surroundings. I didn't make the connection, that bad things always happened when I was on the phone. Fortunately, I have an elder sister who made the connection for me, and suggested that I might want to leave the long phone calls for when the little angels were all asleep.
I am very lucky to have my sister, because she has taught me some very good tricks when it comes to parenting. Some are for self preservation, for example, her invaluable advice - "don't argue, just take her phone!" Whereas others are for entertainment. My favourite of the parenting tricks, of which she is the uncontested master, is to say very rude things whilst adopting an air of total innocence. When she is serving up dinner, she always asks "anyone for sloppy seconds?" The joke is less private now that her kids are in their thirties, but they all keep very straight faces nonetheless. My friend Singapore Sally used a similar trick when her daughter was very little, constantly reminding her not to forget her furry muff when the weather grew colder. As she grew up in Germany, it was probably even more amusing as the double entendre was perhaps less obvious to those around her. And even I engage a little, although not on the same mighty scale as these two giants. Mine is just references to my squeaky purse, which is my favourite, but rarely used bag, in desperate need of WD40.
Even though she spoils my Strictly viewing pleasure, I will be so glad when L is back. I don't like not having anyone to embarrass with my granny dresses and my old lady tights. It hardly seems worth getting dressed. But also, tantrums aside, she is lovely company and brings me much joy!
My great news is that T has a reading week next week, and is coming home. I am so looking forward to having her back, even if only for a few days. God, how I miss her!
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